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Back in 1992, I worked at the Union Pacific yard in Rolla, CO. I worked for a contractor named Port Services Company, and they had the contract to unload new autos for the railroad. Now one of the automakers we serviced was Toyota, and I became our location’s representative on a Quality Control team named the Damage Eliminators. Basically, the railroads were in hot water with Toyota, and the team was formed to make sure that both the UP and the Southern Pacific railroad kept their lucrative contracts. The final team was comprised with a mix of UP, Southern Pacific, and contractor personnel. Pretty normal, right?
Here’s where I need help. In late 1991, I flew from Colorado to a rail yard in Northern California for a big meeting involving both railroads, Toyota, and our Quality Control Team. First, I’m not here to go over what happened in the railyard that day. If you want to hear that, talk to somebody else who was there. Every time I tell this part of my story, people ask me if I’m smoking crack. And by people, I mean my wife. I’m hoping that since the Chairman of the UP and the Chairman of the Southern Pacific, and the President of Toyota USA (and all their attending flunkies) were there that day, there’s a pretty good chance somebody might remember this event. It was unforgettable to me anyway…
A couple of weeks later, we were notified our mission was successful and victory was declared. The quality control project had achieved all its objectives and Toyota was happy. So, they scheduled a ceremony at Rolla to give our team an award for our achievement. The UP loved giving out awards and they have awards for everything. Attendance, safety, good grooming. Our team had gotten a milestone award about 6 months before and basically it was a 5-minute speech, a nice certificate, and a free jacket.
But not this time:
A large stage had been erected near the employees parking area, and two small trailers had been moved in overnight. When I got out of my car, I saw two camera men and a videographer. One of the photographers starts taking multiple photos of me. I have no idea what’s going on. That’s when our team leader, Jack rushes over and asks me where the hell I’ve been. He grabs my arm and leads me to one of the trailers. When I enter there are two men waiting for me. They are tailors from Brooks Brothers, and they immediately start undressing and measuring me. They were good. Ten minutes later I walk out of the trailer in a brand-new suit wearing a pair of Gucci shoes. I still have no idea what is going on. I am literally in shock. When I get over to the stage, the rest of my team is already there. They’re in regular clothes, I’m in a suit. The rest of the ceremony is a blur to me. I do remember the Chairman mentioning my name a couple of time while he was speaking. Everybody received a special commiserative pin for their work, and I was singled out and given a beautiful desk clock and stand by the Chairman himself. The clock had a beautiful metal cover that features a hand-etched logo of the Union Pacific.
After the ceremony, I went back to the trailer to return the suit and put my street clothes on. Then Jack comes in and starts talking all this crazy s**t to me. Really crazy s**t! First, he tells me some cock and bull story about the clock I had just received, and then he tells me the railroad was going to hang my portrait in their beautiful, wood paneled boardroom — right next to their founder. Just crazy talk. I didn’t believe a single thing that he said. Too fantastical even for me. I got fired by Port Services the very next day and didn’t even think about any of this for years.
I kept that beautiful clock on my desk until my wife and I moved to a new house in 2007, and then it disappeared for another 8 years before I found it in a moving box. The stand was broken and there was some kind of gunk on the Union Pacific cover. So, I took it to a local jewelry store to be cleaned. I tell the jeweler what I need, and we go into his lab. I hand him the clock, and he looks at it–really hard. He tells me the clock cover is solid gold. I ask him how much gold were talking about and he says about 2 and a half POUNDS. I ask him is it 24k and he says no. Tells me it’s 18k.
That’s then I wrote the Union Pacific Museum to see if they have any information and they write back and say no. They said the Union Pacific hands out hundreds of awards every year and they don’t keep track. And also, they confirmed my portrait was not hanging in their boardroom. Once I got their reply it confirmed my theory: Jack was pulling my leg the entire time. You see Jack had told me that the clock cover was made from the leftover gold from the pouring of the Golden Spike. That Jack!!
So last night I’m reading a history of the gold rush in California and they’re a section about the Southern Pacific Railroad. The author talked about their headquarters in San Francisco and mentioned a “wood paneled boardroom filled with historical portraits and railroad memorabilia”. The guy I mentioned earlier, Jack, was the Railmaster for the UP. I always assumed he was talking about the UP boardroom. Now it turns out I might be wrong.
I looked to see if there were any images of the Southern Pacific boardroom on the Internet, but I couldn’t find any. If anyone has any, I would appreciate it if you could pass them along. I’m not going to publish them or anything like that. I just want to see if there’s a portrait of me hanging on the wall.
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